Today was my last day of class for the school year. I'm now looking at at least a month off, and possibly five months off, though I hope not. Right now, I feel like I could really use the month though; I am absolutely exhausted. I've written here before about how difficult my Tuesday-Wednesday routine has been this semester, but this week it was particularly rough. In addition to the general stress of an array of final assignments coming due, I had a final exam for one class Tuesday night, followed by a major written assignment and group presentation Wednesday morning. Still reeling from my exam, I slept all of a few hours Tuesday night, as I still needed to work on Wednesday's project. I was actually quite pleased with the presentation on Wednesday, despite my exhaustion, but
I'm actually usually really good at managing on low sleep. A lot of people, including my brother, get really miserable if they haven't slept enough, but I'm not usually like that. Today, for some reason, is different. Today, I'm grumpy, and I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed with work, because I'd rather be sleeping, and some frustrations which normally roll off my back are really getting under my skin today. I'm annoyed that school is done, despite my exhaustion, because I will truly miss the social element it brings into my life. I'm annoyed that, with a week to go before registration, a summer school schedule still has not been posted. I'm annoyed with the pile of other work I know awaits me at home; responsibilities I have shirked recently with the excuse that I am too busy.
Mostly, I'm annoyed with myself. I'm annoyed with myself for some things I didn't do, and some people I didn't talk to who I may not see again, and some opportunities I may have let slip by. I'm annoyed that I once again waited for things to come to me, instead of working up the courage to go get them. I'm annoyed that I let my lack of self-confidence trump my desire to do something.
Paradoxically, I'm also annoyed that I'm letting myself become so easily annoyed. I'm not quite sure how to deal with that one.
I'll probably feel better after a good night of sleep. At the very least my annoyance will probably be superseded by disappointment. For the moment, I plan on taking a moment with my cup of tea, before I have to once again mask my emotions and return to doing my job. Anyone who wants to end the tea drinking librarian stereotype is a damned fool. My ability to make and enjoy a cup of tea right now is the only thing keeping me sane.